If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive – Mother Theresa
The dictionary meaning to forgive is – to stop blaming or being angry with someone for something that person has done, or not punish them for something.
As usual the English language falls short to bring to fore, the true or holistic meaning of the word. When you look at forgiving someone, is it enough to just stop blaming or being angry with somebody? It may help to diffuse the situation externally; however forgiveness goes much deeper as I learnt only through various experiences in life.
The first phrase that caught my eye in the early years was – to forget and forgive. I took the literal meaning and if somebody hurt me in any way, I would try to imbibe this phrase and forget about it and assume that I had forgiven. It was only later that I realized, the body and mind does not forget unless you have truly forgiven and healed from the hurt as well.
Whenever I felt I had forgiven and forgotten, it meant that I had stored this experience in the deep recesses of my memory where I do not think of it daily. However whenever there was a cause to remember the incident, it would bring back memories of hurt and grief in some form or the other.
This made me realize that there is more internalizing that I got to do within and to try and understand, how can I think of a bitter incident without feeling the hurt and instead to look at it as a stepping stone in my overall growth.
If I look back, there were two approaches that helped me achieve this –
- Hoponoppo technique – this technique that I got introduced to by Megha. 4 affirmations that help you heal from within.
- I am sorry
- Please forgive me
- I thank you
- I love you
These affirmations can be your road to find miraculous self-growth and healing. As you chant the Ho’oponopono mantra it helps discover comfort and security in oneself with forgiveness and love. This technique starts with – I am sorry, wherein the first step is about accepting that all the wrong things have started within us. Once you accept that, the next affirmation is to ask for forgiveness – this helps you heal from within and move on. It helps clear blocks within one self that is not visible externally but present in our emotional body. And then moving to Gratitude which helps bring a fresh air of positivity and finally giving love is a caring emotion that accelerates our process of healing.
When I practice Hoponoppo, I think of that person with whom I am not able to communicate openly either due to some mis-giving’s or communication gap. Then I listen to the song and state the affirmations thinking of the person. If I feel hurt and sorrow within, I try to release it from my end. As they say – thoughts are very powerful and as I continue to state these affirmations, my mind begins to think this as the true reality and I can communicate freely with the person and with no blocks in my mind. I have eventually seen a change in response from the other person too. They need not be physically around when you are practicing this, but I guarantee you that this method really works
- A method I heard from the spiritual master Sri M – He narrated an incident with his Guru once. When he had started meditating, into the first few minutes, and the face of a man with whom he had unpleasant conversations arose and he was unable to meditate. A couple of days after this happened, he mentioned this to his Guru. His Guru Maheshwarnath Babaji said – “tomorrow morning, when you sit for meditation, as you close your eyes, bring that person in your memory, look at him, smile and then put a bunch of flowers at his feet and then take the soil on which he is standing and apply it on your forehead. After that you start meditating.” Sri M was surprised , nevertheless he did not question his guru and did as he said. What happened after that Sri M says is wonderful – the man did not disturb him in his meditation again. Very similar to Hoponoppo, I feel this method actually helps you accept a situation or person who you may not like. The point to note is how we do not realize that these situations can block us from moving ahead in journey of life. A simple technique of forgiveness and acceptance can take us a long way ahead.
This quote I feel beautifully sums up importance of the act of forgiveness –
“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself” – Tony Robbins
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